The one question I have not ever asked since October 27, 2017 is…..why me?
I’ve had a lot of other questions on my mind now that cancer is part of my daily dialogue, but I’ve never wondered why this is happening to me.
It has been a year and a half since my diagnosis.
I had 4 surgeries from February- December in 2018. My last one is slated for spring/summer 2019. My body is now officially gender neutral, and I could care less! I’m free of cancer.
Some of you know that I listen to Joel Osteen every morning on Sirius. His messages are right at thirty minutes which fits in perfectly with my hour long commute to work. I’ve been listening to him since 2013. Hearing Joel’s daily reminders that God’s perfect plan for us is wholly unique and meant for our goodness has resonated with me.
I can’t describe the peace I felt during the weeks after the diagnosis. It is not my strength, but the Lord’s. I truly believe that listening to messages of faith and God’s promises for abundance & hope created this path of peace for me.
Please know, that even with solid faith, this has not been an easy course. When I allow my thoughts to wander and settle on all the challenges we faced, I become overwhelmed. Like, big crocodile tears down my face overwhelmed! They are not tears of pity, but rather tears of sheer amazement that this happened to us and WE MADE IT!
was actually Stage 3. You know what? I still smiled. Because God saved me from Stage 4!
And yes, that is my famous Chest Buddy seat belt cushion
in the photo – I still use this!“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” – 2 Corintians 4:17
A quote from Joel:
“His plans for us are for good to give us a bright future. That doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen along the way, but God knows how to use it for good. He wouldn’t have allowed it if it wasn’t going to work to our advantage.”
So, I’m ok with this whole cancer thing.
And, on December 20, I was declared No Evidence of Disease! NED!
Cancer. It is part of my life’s narrative for reasons I just don’t know yet…but I do trust God.
What I Did to Cope with Breast Cancer
- Visualization. I visualized myself healthy and happy! I know it sounds cliche, but I would close my eyes and see future events….like attending a family wedding….with me present and smiling and dancing.
- Morning prayer. Before I am even out of bed I thank the Lord for His extravagant blessings. I pray for my doctors, my extended family, and I thank him in advance for His healing. I feel His hand on our family.
- Research. Oh boy, this is a tricky one! Knowledge is power, but too much Web.MD and we go nuts! Because my cancer is rare (lobular carcinoma- affecting only 10% of breast cancer patients) I did lots of research so I was armed with the right questions during my appointments. But I stopped there. I did not dwell on negative statistics and I had to leave breast cancer facebook groups because their “knowledge” brought me down.
- I pushed myself. There were days during chemo when I had trouble walking into the kitchen to get my own cup of water. But I did it. There were days when I had been at work for 8 hours, drove my 1 hour commute back to Orlando AND made it to my radiation appointment with a smile on my face. I’d come home, exhausted and in tears because my body could not keep up with what I wanted it to do. Then, at 6:30AM the next day, I would be back in the car and do it all over again. This went on for 5 1/2 weeks….my radiation was thorough!
- Family & friends matter. A smile, a card, a meal, a phone call or a text made all the difference. Some of my family is here, some are in Alabama. My daughter was in Kentucky finishing college when AC chemo began. Each point of contact gave me strength. My daughter returned home and took me to all 12 Taxol chemo infusions that followed AC. If you have ever been to a chemo infusion room, you know how depressing it can be! But, she did it. She knew what questions to ask and made sure I as comfortable and ok. I am so blessed to have such a capable, caring, loving and fun daughter! If you know someone about to go through breast cancer, read this to find out what items helped me during recovery – good gift ideas!
I won’t ever ask why me.
Do I wish I could take this away from my family? In a heartbeat.
The months of chemo, radiation and me transitioning back to work were easier on me than them.
Cancer takes your family and shakes everything upside down. Cancer is greedy. It doesn’t just affect its victim, but everyone around them.
My husband and family put their lives on hold for a few weeks to care for me before, during and after my surgery. Oh wait. Let’s add chemo to everyone’s schedule!
I wish I could take my cancer away from them…..but none of us are questioning why God has placed this in our lives.
#FightLikeAGirl #Believe #JOYOFJESUS
Blessings, Heather
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